So I fell pregnant.
Fell is a pretty good word in that situation. Like, you can totally pretend that you have control, but you don’t. You are at the mercy of forces greater than yourself. And it is so scary, and quick. Or not quick. But there is totally a tipping point.
So I fell pregnant.
I remember sitting in teacher training; we were learning about twists. No twisting in the first trimester. Done. Got it.
I made a mental note. Like, got out all the highlighters and coloured textas and glitter of my mind. There was totally glitter. And wrote and rewrote this mental note all through the connecting brain cells. Mental note. Done.
The time came when I may or may not have been in my first trimester.
I knew the drill. I was not twisting.
It was 7:30. I was at the new studio. No twisting. Then I twisted. Damn it!
I just did it without thinking. I have been doing yoga for – however long – and the postures are entrenched. My mind was in overload, thinking about what do to, how do I stop twisting? I found that, although I had vividly paid attention in the twisting workshop, [no twisting in the first trimester. I can see the glitter now]… I hadn’t translated this into actual experience or workable knowledge. I didn’t know if like, you stop twisting on the first day or the first week or the first month… I needed info!
I ended up going to another class at a sister studio right after.
I was actually on a high because I’d had a wonderful class. I had a few hours spare, and I wanted to keep this connection with yoga.
I got to the new studio, goggled who would be the teacher. It was my teacher-trainer. Great. I was going to get more information.
So before class, but after being set up, and all relevant googling finished, I paced the halls. (There is a hall from the front to the studio). I saw the principal of the studio. THE teacher. According to the website, she wasn’t teaching this class. So I kept passing. The teacher, TT – terrific teacher , was putting on the music. It must be her after all. I’m sure it was after class was due to start, and I was still pretending to get stuff ready.
I had googled yoga during pregnancy, trying to find the answer.
I couldn’t. I needed to know my lineage’s perspective.
I remember so shakily, “TT, can I ask you a quick question”. No probably should have been the answer 🙂 But she is beautiful and gracious, and said “Sure” – but the ‘sure’ like yes of course you can. Sure, let me answer as best I can. That kind of sure. Side note, it means a lot to me when people answer with more than they have to. She could have said “ah… okayyy” or “yeah, quickly”. But nope, she gave me her undivided attention. I really appreciate that.
She gasped in excitement and I’m pretty sure I stopped making sense very quickly.
TT confirmed – the conservative approach, is no twisting in the first trimester. But I had twisted earlier today. It’s okay she said, with no judgement or condemnation. Just start now. It’s funny that she said ‘start’ rather than ‘stop’. Because it was actually very accurate.
In class, TT was beautiful at respecting my privacy. She didn’t announce to anyone anything about babies, or pregnancy. She gave the whole class [i.e. just for me] prior warning to any twists. She lead us through postures that developed in complexity. She gave me a very similar posture to do whilst the class twisted. But most importantly, she stood by me twice. At key transition points, so she could talk to me quietly, in a word or two, about what I was to do instead. The previous pose. Got it.
And thus began my journey of modification.
This is an incredible gift I have received.
I was transported, by necessity straight back to the present moment.
I was exploring yoga as a beginner again; with beginners mind.
I was feeling into postures, checking into my body, getting overwhelmed at the newness (of not twisting), and releasing it all. I was modifying. I was deliberately changing what the teacher was telling the class to do (for some postures). I was repeating the previous posture or going to the next one. I was no longer following mindlessly. Something that I didn’t realise I was doing.
I felt the new neural pathways begin to form. Yes, it was totally that painful at times 🙂
And when I think back over the last month, I think of how grateful I am that falling pregnant could start me on such a beautiful journey, back to the present moment. Back to the now.
Because my dear, now begins the exposition of yoga. [Patanjali 1.1]