Things I want to know.

I want to know how to play with my not-toy-oriented dog. I want to know what Trump feels when he sees his grandchild. I want to know what is actually the best diet, and how the fuck I'm supposed to incorporate it into my life. I want to know why vaccines are thought to be … Continue reading Things I want to know.


Death. With narcissism and trauma and miscarriage in the background.

I don't want to accept that your inner child was breaking down today. Because I'm not okay with your behaviour. --> Plus I still have epic anger and resentment at you leaving me with NM whilst you fucked off out of there... But sure, let's play happy families.

It was child abuse.

I need to repeat that to myself. Again. It was child abuse. I am rereading forums, blogs, quotes and other text about narcissistic mothers. Like trying to remind myself of this journey that I have already been on. To reveal these truths I have already uncovered. I remember asking my birth-mother what her favourite age … Continue reading It was child abuse.

Sometimes life is for watching…

I cannot comprehend the devastation and desperation (firstly - that the whole world must be feeling... but secondly) that my own family is feeling. I found out that my gorgeous niece, my perfect, happy, courageous, so-god-damn-sure, divine little niece is in hospital being blasted with radiation. Daughter of my cousin. Niece, culturally. It's all happened SO … Continue reading Sometimes life is for watching…

Just give me the baby already!!

For no particular reason my heart is pounding somewhere between a thousand butterflies and a thousand war drums beating. My stomach is somewhere between tingly and full on rollercoaster rides. And for no real reason. Baby stuff just comes up, and takes over. But Baby isn't any closer. Well, maybe in the sense that time passing means that … Continue reading Just give me the baby already!!