Sometimes life is for watching…

I cannot comprehend the devastation and desperation (firstly – that the whole world must be feeling… but secondly) that my own family is feeling.

I found out that my gorgeous niece, my perfect, happy, courageous, so-god-damn-sure, divine little niece is in hospital being blasted with radiation.

Daughter of my cousin. Niece, culturally.

It’s all happened SO quickly. And I don’t know the full story. But at the moment everything is surrounded by a common aura, disbelief.

Inoperable brain tumour. Diagnosed 1st of July. Treatment started 7th of July.

No-one has survived this tumour.
It is fatal.
She is terminal.

My dying niece. My fucking dying eight-year old child of a niece!
And I’ve called three different people, and texted another person to discuss this. Only one of these people actually engaged at all, and did so with gentle, loving empathy.

And because of the circles of the grieving, and the cultural insensitivities, I can’t ask more. I desperately want to know more. I’m searching all sorts of things up, trying to desperately gather any information about how this gorgeous little bubba is. And what the hell is going on.

And this stone-walling from the universe has made me realise that I’m just supposed to watch this one… this isn’t for me to participate in. An instruction I am desperately trying to ignore.

I checked in with her energetically… on another sphere. And she was there, so god-damn perfect. She knows what she is doing. She is doing it with poise and purpose. She’s got this.

What a god-damn warrior.
What a brave light-bearer.
What a fucking angel!

But I still wonder about the aftermath.

Will it break or build her mother? What about her grandparents… the phenomenal human beings that they are. How can I help? What can I do? What about her beautiful brothers?!

Right now I’m feeling the collective pain and desperation.

Inside of me, I know that this is what it is and it is as she chooses.

I need to step back, because this is not for me.

So I join in sending them love. And light. From afar.

Precious, precious angel.
Wise one, what a path you have chosen.
What a selfless act you have undertaken.
I wish you ease and certainty.
I wish you courage and peace.
I wish you a smooth transition into eternity.

I love you!

 

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