So in my world view it is possible to talk to me future children.
And in that world view, other people have. I have. Once.
I freaking spoke to my Baby. And he answered. And he was perfect and amazing and just so perfect (yes, I know I already said perfect. He just was OK!).
But that was 4 months ago.
And I haven’t been able to connect since (cue epic emotional-ness to cloud possible communication. Cue more epic emotional-ness at the clouds between communication).
And I get the feeling that this little(?) person is very clear in his(?) stance that I have to be the parent in this arrangement. He’s been pretty clear in that. No parenting the parent.
But I’m just feeling so freaking emotional and anxious… Like… What if I never become the parent he needs? What is he’s ready and just waiting for me? What if I’m never ready??
I’m already a shitty mum by not being a mum! Arhhh!
Guilt. Self shaming. Self doubt. Life doubt.