Trying to conceive and the epic self doubt & guilt already! 

Not pregnant.

So in my world view it is possible to talk to me future children.

And in that world view, other people have. I have. Once.

I freaking spoke to my Baby. And he answered. And he was perfect and amazing and just so perfect (yes, I know I already said perfect. He just was OK!).

But that was 4 months ago.

And I haven’t been able to connect since (cue epic emotional-ness to cloud possible communication. Cue more epic emotional-ness at the clouds between communication).

And I get the feeling that this little(?) person is very clear in his(?) stance that I have to be the parent in this arrangement. He’s been pretty clear in that. No parenting the parent.

But I’m just feeling so freaking emotional and anxious… Like… What if I never become the parent he needs? What is he’s ready and just waiting for me? What if I’m never ready??

I’m already a shitty mum by not being a mum! Arhhh!

Guilt. Self shaming. Self doubt. Life doubt.

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