Bipolar, Narcissism and a birth mother.

So someone I love dearly, has suggested that my birth mother* was/is bipolar rather than narcissistic. *'birth mother' is used here, uncapitalised, despite her being the only parent I knew of until adult life. She birthed me, and raised me. Birth mother puts distance into that, there is less socially constructed guilt around not having … Continue reading Bipolar, Narcissism and a birth mother.

Attitude of Gratitude. Or something like that.

It wasn't a personal attack. It wasn't even personal. It certainly wasn't evidence that I am a shitty person or am inferior or any other projection / victim blaming bullshit. ... I grieved and raged. And no-one told me not to. No-one tried to suppress me or my fear, anxiety, rage, anger, and heartbreak. I was able to feel all of this.

I am not as good as I think I am

Aunty-ing. I have all the opinions in the world about family, and kids and raising kids and blah, blah, blah. Do you think that my nieces and nephews miss me or see me as a solid part of their lives?? Probably not. And the list goes on

Baby’s own time

Through getting so stressed about this, all of it, all of the TTC bullshit, I have inadvertently disempowered Baby Awesome. Baby Awesome is coming on his time, for his reasons, to do his own shit. And this journey is so incredibly profound. I was scared of the places both myself and my husband were heading … Continue reading Baby’s own time

The absolute angels in my (ttc) world.

Through this TTC phase of my life I have had two incredibly solid buddies by my side. My support crew. My angels! Today I want to talk about both of them. Firstly, Empathetic Angel. She has been ridiculously unwavering, funny, heart warming, and always there! Through all the questions. All the worrying. All the exaggerated 'symptoms'. … Continue reading The absolute angels in my (ttc) world.

TTC and not breathing. Like, just don’t breathe.

I just don't think this level of obsession is healthy. I've been told that I'm torturing myself. But I don't know how to not. I've heard the cliché of "just stop trying", and I did, for two months... Now I'm back more intense than before. "It'll happen when it happens" And I'd be saying exactly … Continue reading TTC and not breathing. Like, just don’t breathe.