My week in dot points.

Things I have learnt this week…

  • a rainbow child is a child born after a miscarriage. I can’t wait to bring home my rainbow child! I must interject that he is not over the moon with this title. It doesn’t sit right with him. It’s fair, what he is saying. It is not honouring what other women go through, compared to what I went through. For me, he’s always been coming back. A lot of women don’t get that. Their baby doesn’t come back (to them/ in this lifetime etc).
  • take home baby – means a baby that is born alive and healthy and one you get to take home. I really like this. Mostly because I really like the person who first said it to me (I thought it was her gorgeous way with language, but turns out it’s a thing). I am SO freaking excited to meet my take home baby! (He’s all good with that term)
  • The TWW (two week wait) kicks my butt every month! Even this month, when I’m not even sure we’ve sexed, I am still ridiculously intense. For three weeks (since last period) I’ve been all like “meh, this cycle is a ride off, next one!” until that magical time frame, usually the second week in the TWW and bam! Researching. Obsessing. Phantom Symptom documenting.
  • My “Early Pregnancy Points” according to a mathematical equation of my reported symptoms and such is “39”. To be fair, I have no idea if it’s ever been higher or lower. I don’t even know what the upper limit is. Or the bottom limit. Maybe it’s 40, and I’m just super almost mathematically pregnant. (This is called complete denial, and it’s kind of a nice place to be sometimes 🙂 )
  • The extent of my over-analysing and wishful thinking astounds me sometimes. Like, I know that I have had gastro for the last 5 days. I KNOW THAT. But me just entering in ‘cramping’ and ‘diarreah’ makes the app go all like ‘20% of pregnant people reported that symptom on this day’. And increases the points from 31 to 39.
  • Health is undervalued. I really like health. I miss health.
  • Plans change. Life changes. And there is nothing but adjust that you can do about it. I have so much yoga sh!t to catch up on. Yoga classes, yoga study, yoga assignments. Which is why I was going to make epic headway with my week off. Correction: You Sick! Nothing but sleeping and un-funny joking texts to be achieved this week. And I’m still raging against this! I really hate wasting time. And being sick (and also not being pregnant) is just EPIC time wasting.
  • Plain white rice tastes SO good! It is one of the about 3 things my system can handle at the moment and it is pure white-y goodness!
  • Ambiguous channeling experiences frustrate me. I had another channelling, which I’m sure I’ll go into more detail when my brain starts operating in more than dot points… but it was vague and unclear… even more so that all of the other times. And I feel more overwhelmed with questions and anxieties than before. Which is unusual.

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