I don’t think I really do ‘forgiveness’.
Which is odd, because it is all the rage in the New Age and Self Development circles that I used to feel so drawn to. Not to mention the religious sermons of childhoods.
In trauma circles the idea of forgiveness is sometimes wiped off the table all together – because the definition of forgiveness as well as the process, purpose, psychological benefits, constraints, and disadvantages all seem decently up for debate. Also with the psychological knots of psychopaths/narcissists etc that use “forgiveness” as a weapon… and the natural danger and such…
Forgiveness is a weird thing, now that I’m thinking about it.
My main experience of forgiveness has been of subjugation of feelings, appeasement and not-okays-being-“okay”.
And that’s really not okay.
For me, the first step of any process is acknowledging that something is not okay, or not right, or even down-right wrong. I want to honour what I am experiencing or have experienced firstly by just being okay with owning the not-okay-ness.
And I don’t mean this in a self entitled, self centred way. I mean this in a deeply authentic way. In the way that starts to break down all of our years and years of being told when, what, and how to feel; and what was acceptable to do as a result of these societally sanctioned / filtered ‘feelings’.
I mean this in an unapologetically divine way.
Within the irrefutable power of deeply authentic truth.
Once I have acknowledged that something didn’t sit quite right with me, I try to work it out within myself. I aim to analyse my prejudices and internal bias to unpack it more. What is my conditioning / programming has lead me to this context with this baggage? What was my position in this? I sometimes (often?) ask other people of their opinions, not for self deprivation or self promotion, just for different perspectives. Then I examine it further.
And then, after that work , I often approach the person to discuss what has happened, and their perspective.
At this point it is as if I am revealing part of my soul.
This truth is sacred.
A huge part of this process is for you to accept or even just acknowledge that what I am bringing you is sacred. I want you to hold a space, with me, beyond ego, to honour the authenticity I am sharing.
And I want to see, from the depths of my soul, to the depths of yours, what this is meaning or has meant for you. What do you think or feel about what has happened? What do you think about my offence? What happened for you, that lead you to that action?
Here, again, I want to go to the core of you. From soul to soul. From light entity beyond time and space to light entity beyond time and space. In the place were we are all connected and probably the same thing.
When we step back from all the drama and the hurt, stepping back from the pain and the emotion-charged volatility… what happened for you? And how on earth are you functioning right now – because it sounds incredibly intense!
I want to see, know, and feel everything. From your side and mine. I want it to be in completion. Completely complete.
When that happens, it is beyond forgiveness. It is beyond empathy or compassion to this place of one-ness or some other hippy or vague term. It is like understanding… but way deeper than that. It is about getting to a place where I honour every step you took to get you to that place where the offence was caused.
And the offence dissolves into nothingness and everything-ness.
It just is.
I imagine that this is the essence behind the Hawaiian forgiveness ritual of Ho’oponopono, of which I have no authority to speak of, but I encourage you to google it if that resonates.
This is the world that I am craving.
One were we are that deeply in tune with ourselves and each other, that these connections are effortless and insignificant; whilst being incredibly affirming, connecting and paramount to everything. Paradox anyone?