I was gracious

I really was.

I texted my friend – who had just delivered her once-in-a-lifetime-baby.

I reached out beyond the ‘yay’ of announcement. I genuinely reached out. And I meant it. AND it hurt.

I know that it is a horrible thing, but I felt like vomiting when I got her announcement text.

I changed my day around in the classroom, and had a “relief-lesson” [when you plan or do easy/easier stuff, that you would usually give to a relief / substitute teacher, but you do yourself because sometimes life happens!].

I took my kids down to the playground for some gross motor and social skills integration. Both are actual things. Both actually needed. In this context – totally all I could handle.

I remember sitting on the verandah with the other staff at lunchtime- just internally screeching or crying or other some weird version of pain and anguish.

Of course the visiting teacher was pregnant. Of course. Today. OF.COURSE.

But last night, as I was falling asleep, I reached out to her. And told her that I genuinely wished her well. Because I do. Totally, and completely.

It was mostly platitudes. Sincere platitudes. But platitudes nonetheless.

And that’s okay.

No matter how much hope or certainty I had last week… the last three days have been tough.

But miracle babies do happen… right?! My phone is filling up with photos of one (legitimately gorgeous) miracle baby.

I was gracious.

For myself and for her.

And one day… soon… I’ll get my growing belly before a birthing experience.

*and breathe*

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