Trying to iron out my thoughts on life and reality and consciousness

So.

This makes sense in my head, but I can’t help but feel like it is disjointed and fractured.

Key Concepts:
~ The universe / god is the ultimate and all things at all times in every way.
~ It is spoken about here as the ocean. With the individual identity / ego being the droplet of water. And/or particles of light.
~ “The ocean is conscious of being the droplet rather than the droplet being aware of being a part of the ocean” – Rebecca Dawson quote.

-~-~-~-

I already am that which I seek. I am a few bits of light playing in a pretty dense reality. There is no new knowledge for me to gain because I am that knowledge. Manifest. There is no seeking to seek, or finding to be found. Enlightenment isn’t an event or destination. Thus nothing matters. Everything is just other bits of light dancing in a reality.

My discomfort is that my mind-brain doesn’t comprehend that… Or that my mind-brain wants to control that. ?? My mind-brain is wired for fear – perhaps that is the discomfort. Not sure.

It’s not up to me if I get it.

We’re moving [have moved] on from a place of predetermination, where the ocean projected out the single droplet on a momentum driven path. Billions of droplets of light, experiencing form and existence and presence for the sake of it.

So now, we’re still doing things solely for the sake of it. It’s always been about experience for the sake of it. The change is that I step back and have the potential to direct the ocean spray. Because I am consciousness, without the ‘I’ …

Which is where the [my] confusion / conjunction comes from. It’s only for the sake of it. We almost need to drop our needs to conform, and our shackles of the current / old paradigm system. That’s where I am at. I’m tied up to wanting to experience form and existence and presence according to ‘success’ of the old paradigm. Look at me, I’m being a wonderful / effective / diligent droplet of water / light. But even that implies that there is a problem. And there is no problem. It is a problem of not being able to attain. Again, the attainment would be Enlightenment. To direct or control the ocean spray. But I’m already doing that. I am already stepping back into the ocean. I am already deciding what I want to experience. Even if I don’t cognitively present with awareness of it.

So then, what is the discomfort?

That I cannot remember being whole, being the ocean; at all times. Or at will. Because some part of me believes that that will end my discomfort.

But the experience I chose was in a dense reality with the presentation of discomfort.

Discomfort is an experience.

Ego – I would love to have more conscious control over some/most/all of my experiences. I am measuring my worth and value in that I have not got this. Or attained that.

But there is a whole entire ocean of droplets of light experiencing experience. Of which I am the ocean, and a droplet, and the experience.

Part of me thinks that it is none of my business if my mind brain comprehends this or not. Or when. Or if.

Power is with releasing control. Because there is nothing to control. No reason to control. Nothing gained by control, and nothing lost by it. For the sake of it. This is just for the sake of it. I think.

 

What do you think?

 

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