Pema Chodron's delightful book, "The Places That Scare Us" was profound and very inspiring. Even after a few months of finishing it, I am still mulling over, and noticing her teachings protected into my world. One such teaching is the concept of softening into discomfort. Please forgive my crude simplification of her incredible wisdom... but … Continue reading Holding discomfort.
I don't want to be here. In this mental time and mental space. I don't want to be doing this work. It is painful, and it hurts. It is convoluted and intertwined. Trigger buttons reloaded. Emotions are supercharged. I don't want to do this. No poetic insight. Just facts.
Trigger warning: rape. Brief mention of narcissism and self harm. I woke up from an intense dream last night. I was chasing a boy from high school.
Doctor: It's a panic attack. You are having a panic attack.
I realised that I have been holding onto my grief as a self proclamation or self righteous judgement on myself and the world around me. "Look at me!" I said, whilst holding the intangible. "It still hurts, if anyone is wondering" But they weren't wondering. If I just held tight enough, it might express how much … Continue reading Releasing Proclamations and Obsessions of Grief
I just need to vent. And I want to tell her that she is an asshole. An emotionally incompetent, selfish, asshole. I have requested a chat - to discuss our relationship. To try and heal our relationship. This venting comes off the back of messages about that. The messages were full of covering-my-ass statements like … Continue reading Bitchface and the shining sun.