Asking for help is hard. But it gets better.

I was so wound up in the chaos and intensity in my mind, that I couldn't see clearly. I mean that figuratively and to some extent literally. The fog was incredible. I have previously spent so much time and energy exploring the recesses of my mind. I like to think that I am insightful and … Continue reading Asking for help is hard. But it gets better.

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Precious bubba, precious sleep.

I am rebelling against the system. Rebelling against all the voices in my head that have come from countless friends and strangers and good intentions. Voices that tell me my baby should sleep for longer, and more often and most of all alone. Today I tried. Because I wanted to. Because to-do lists are increasing and … Continue reading Precious bubba, precious sleep.

trains and postpartum anxiety/depression

I was leaving a lovely and refreshing catchup with an old colleague. And I cried. I was leaving the child health nurse appointment. And I cried. I was leaving brunch and hangout with my best friend. And I cried. It doesn't matter if I am catching up with my favourites, or admiring others admire my … Continue reading trains and postpartum anxiety/depression

Breastfeeding sucks

Or mostly my attachment to things that aren't happening sucks. ~~Part of my breast-feeding story~~ Breastfeeding is SO hard. And the hardest thing is that I want to do it. Little Miss hated breastfeeding for the first few days - if not first few weeks. I imagine that she wasn't impressed about having to work … Continue reading Breastfeeding sucks

Birth: Idealised verses Reality

There has been a lot of processing since writing this, and I am very fortunate to say that right now, I have a slightly wider perspective. However this oscillation between the idealised and reality was and still is a massive thing, so I wanted to share.  Labour was absolutely brutal. For a portion of it, I hated it. … Continue reading Birth: Idealised verses Reality

Present Pregnancy; Past Trauma.

TW: sexual abuse/trauma. Pregnancy is incredibly intense. At the best of times. Even with lots of love and support. Pregnancy can also be incredibly triggering. Here are some ways that I have found this pregnancy to be re-triggering, and some ideas about where to go from here.   The Powerlessness of the Medical Industry The … Continue reading Present Pregnancy; Past Trauma.

Can you stop chastising my unborn child?!

This blows my mind. I have been very closed with pretty much everything related to my pregnancy; symptoms, experiences, feelings, plans... all of it. And I think it was an un/conscious form of self protection. I didn't need the barrage of competing and contradictory "must-know" tidbits that would "certainly" impede my life or my child's. … Continue reading Can you stop chastising my unborn child?!