Releasing Proclamations and Obsessions of Grief

I realised that I have been holding onto my grief as a self proclamation or self righteous judgement on myself and the world around me. "Look at me!" I said, whilst holding the intangible. "It still hurts, if anyone is wondering" But they weren't wondering. If I just held tight enough, it might express how much … Continue reading Releasing Proclamations and Obsessions of Grief

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Why I needed to both see and not-see that miscarriage on TV.

My husband and I have a regular Netflix and Hang-out date night thing going on. It sounds like the usual Netflix and Chill thing, without the need to be dressed up or groomed in any way. We regularly watch relatively un-offending series with great passion and dedication. It's our relationship's specialty. And as a result we look … Continue reading Why I needed to both see and not-see that miscarriage on TV.

My baby, and your baby’s funeral. 

My niece (cousin), my gorgeous, innocent, angelic, 9 year old niece, is taking her last​breaths. And it is that once in a life time thing that you wish you never experience. You hope you never understand this. Because this is paradigm shifting. In what world is it fair, or even just ok for a lively, … Continue reading My baby, and your baby’s funeral. 

the not-so-good day

I can't today. And I don't know why. Shall we blame the anxiety, or the overwhelm? Shall we blame the journey, or the dates? Shall we blame perceptions, or the lack of innate knowing? I just think that something to blame would make this a bit easier right now. And I don't know what that … Continue reading the not-so-good day

Making space. Literally.

I just folded Baby's little jumpsuit. And I put the bibs in the draw underneath. I threw out the tissue paper I had wrapped them in, when I gave them to my husband. I kept the gift bag though.   I hadn't touched them since I had hidden them away. After probably a month of … Continue reading Making space. Literally.