My niece (cousin), my gorgeous, innocent, angelic, 9 year old niece, is taking her lastbreaths. And it is that once in a life time thing that you wish you never experience. You hope you never understand this. Because this is paradigm shifting. In what world is it fair, or even just ok for a lively, … Continue reading My baby, and your baby’s funeral.
I can't today. And I don't know why. Shall we blame the anxiety, or the overwhelm? Shall we blame the journey, or the dates? Shall we blame perceptions, or the lack of innate knowing? I just think that something to blame would make this a bit easier right now. And I don't know what that … Continue reading the not-so-good day
I just folded Baby's little jumpsuit. And I put the bibs in the draw underneath. I threw out the tissue paper I had wrapped them in, when I gave them to my husband. I kept the gift bag though. I hadn't touched them since I had hidden them away. After probably a month of … Continue reading Making space. Literally.
Baby was due today. Today was the day that I was supposed to be birthing a baby. Or be very close to it. Or have only just done it. Today. Today is also Wolf Woman's birthday. That's two deaths to commemorate, on one day. My biggest two deaths, in one day. And I feel like … Continue reading Due date. Without the baby.
I don't know what it was that I was thinking about when I realised that I needed to talk to you about it. Before I re-remembered all-over-again, that you are gone. Almost two and a half years ago, gone.
I have this voodoo thingy where I don't talk about good stuff that is happening until after they've come to fruition... It's totally a reference to nm and such conditioning... but maybe it's time to step through that discomfort. So here goes. TTC I am totally trying - trying... like full hard out Trying-To-Conceive. After a … Continue reading Spirits and Books and books-about-spirits.
I feel weird stabbing pain just at writing that title. Just a dream... That's what it is starting to feel like. Or actually that's what the sudden realisation that I just had - is about. *Cue eye leakage* I don't remember what it was like to be pregnant anymore. I don't remember the thoughts about … Continue reading just a dream …