Breastfeeding sucks

Or mostly my attachment to things that aren't happening sucks. ~~Part of my breast-feeding story~~ Breastfeeding is SO hard. And the hardest thing is that I want to do it. Little Miss hated breastfeeding for the first few days - if not first few weeks. I imagine that she wasn't impressed about having to work … Continue reading Breastfeeding sucks

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Birth: Idealised verses Reality

There has been a lot of processing since writing this, and I am very fortunate to say that right now, I have a slightly wider perspective. However this oscillation between the idealised and reality was and still is a massive thing, so I wanted to share.  Labour was absolutely brutal. For a portion of it, I hated it. … Continue reading Birth: Idealised verses Reality

Present Pregnancy; Past Trauma.

TW: sexual abuse/trauma. Pregnancy is incredibly intense. At the best of times. Even with lots of love and support. Pregnancy can also be incredibly triggering. Here are some ways that I have found this pregnancy to be re-triggering, and some ideas about where to go from here.   The Powerlessness of the Medical Industry The … Continue reading Present Pregnancy; Past Trauma.

Could you be just as disappointed in… you know… my abuser?!

*trying to write this a second time - because the words aren't coming out properly* My brother is getting married. Which is delightful. He has been with his girlfriend for probably almost 8 or 9 years now. They have always been together, and whenever I see them, it's together. She reminds me of a female … Continue reading Could you be just as disappointed in… you know… my abuser?!

I am under no obligation to make sense to you

Please don't get me wrong. I love that you are here. I am excited, and I invite you to witness and engage as you feel so drawn to do. But I am drawing the line at what is my responsibility, and what is yours. My intention This blog is about owning and honouring myself. Deeply and … Continue reading I am under no obligation to make sense to you

flashbacks and non-forgiveness

TW: discussion of NM and rape. I go through these times in my world, usually after particular triggers, where I find myself needing to tell my story. The abusive past, story. The story of surviving as a daughter of a narcissist. The continued experience with complex post traumatic stress (C-PTSD) story and how it can … Continue reading flashbacks and non-forgiveness

Post surgery follow up appointment

Trigger warning. This discusses rape. So, like...  Pain. The same pain as before the surgery. The surgery that was supposed to remove the pain. That surgery. Same pain.  "Could develop into infertility. So then there isn't much that can be done now." This is my life. What do you mean, not much you can do?!! … Continue reading Post surgery follow up appointment