I can't today. And I don't know why. Shall we blame the anxiety, or the overwhelm? Shall we blame the journey, or the dates? Shall we blame perceptions, or the lack of innate knowing? I just think that something to blame would make this a bit easier right now. And I don't know what that … Continue reading the not-so-good day
No, just no! Every single thing I ever did - was not good enough. Every achievement, every award, every certificate or passing praise. In private. It was never good enough, in private. In public it was soaked up for all it was worth. Praise given to me was like an intravenous drip straight into her … Continue reading Saying abuse is a gift, is bullshit.
I really was. I texted my friend - who had just delivered her once-in-a-lifetime-baby. I reached out beyond the 'yay' of announcement. I genuinely reached out. And I meant it. AND it hurt. I know that it is a horrible thing, but I felt like vomiting when I got her announcement text. I changed my … Continue reading I was gracious
because right now, this is my silent protest. because right now I find solace in my past witchy days. because right now this life thing is taking absolutely everything I have. from every angle. because right now I need to hold onto the me beyond the early morning lights. and messy shelves. and prescribed to-do-lists. because right … Continue reading black nail polish
I found this in my drafts, and can feel the passion! I am lucky to not feel this intense right now, but I wanted to share because this is something that I have felt consistently! ~-~-~ I need you to stop blaming me for this. Infertility is not a choice. It is not something I … Continue reading Raging about TTC blaming and shaming. Raging about the whole thing.
I was lucky enough to be able to go back into the classroom this year. I am a teacher by trade, but had a year out of the classroom altogether, and 2 years without my "own" class. Happily, luckily and lovingly, that has changed recently! In Australia, we start at our school year in January/February. So … Continue reading Walking with the stress, and being okay with that.
TW: discussion of NM and rape. I go through these times in my world, usually after particular triggers, where I find myself needing to tell my story. The abusive past, story. The story of surviving as a daughter of a narcissist. The continued experience with complex post traumatic stress (C-PTSD) story and how it can … Continue reading flashbacks and non-forgiveness